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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Jumbled, mismatched thoughts

Sometimes I feel my life is meaningless. No one cares what goes on. I am absent from another's thought. I know my life is far from meaningless and drab. I have much to be thankful for. I have Jesus. I have Jimmy. But still, don't you feel that way sometimes too? No rhyme or reason for anything. No simple days. Perhaps it is the dreariness, the dampness of the morning sky. No shining sun.

Why is my father's death so prominent in my mind today. I do not understand. He has been gone 35 years tomorrow. Gone long before that. My parents' marriage ended when I was 8. So why am I thinking about him. Seems so surreal.

So tired. So much to do. So much to prepare for a writers workshop coming up. So tired. Tired of day in - day out thinking about work. Just want a reprieve. Do I ask too much?

I have this Web ministry I started in 2001. A resource guide -- is that where my life is. I think. I wonder. I have many blogs. I want to redesign my Web presence. I have ideas. But I can't devote excessive time to that currently. Must work on church history. Scan photos. Write. I like history. Sometimes the scanner gives me grief, much frustration. So many photos to scan.

A new blog I have started is actually part of my Web site, but it has the new design I am experimenting with. ... Heavenward Bound. It too is a resource ... of course.

I am tired. Tired of being church historian. Ready to retire from that position. Plan to after Immanuel's 50th celebration.

Unless of course God has other plans. I only wait. I must wait for all the answers I have questions too.

And then there are other issues I have to deal with. Much my own fault or lack of brain connection. I do not like dentists. Yet I have need of dental work soon. Mouth pain. First I have to pay the balance due that insurance didn't cover. Always some amount health insurance doesn't pay. Always. Wouldn't it be great - no pain, no complaints ... I guess that would be very idealistic -- seeing through rose-colored glasses.

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face." (1 Corinthians 13:12)

Even what we do see is not very factual. Its only what we perceive of ourselves or what we perceive others think of us. Our perceptions are way off base. Its not wise reaching into your unknown and dwelling there for any length of time. It only brings tidings of woe upon ourselves. Why oh why would we want to go there. We get down and develop a singular load of pity upon ourselves. There is no point.

"Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men." (Matthew 16:23)

"A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken." (Proverbs 15: 13)

No point at all. It's hard to climb out of the pit of dismay, disheartedness, depression. It's easy to look up, but it's hard to comprehend what is up. Down is darkness. Up is light. Jesus is the light.

"Then Jesus spoke, saying 'I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have The Light of Life.' " (John 8:12)

"Let us walk in the light of the Lord." (Isaiah 2:5)

I follow you Lord Jesus. Keep me from faltering, keep me from falling down and losing my way. Keep me on your path I pray.


A few days ago I was thinking about faith and I came up with comprehensive questions we might all want to consider. It would be great if any of you who read this blog from time to time would consider responding. Wouldn't it be worth it to others to know?

My questions .......

IF God offered you anything you wanted, what would you ask for?

WHO has profoundly influenced your life?

DO you have a favorite quote or Bible verse? What is it, what does it mean for you?

ARE you pursuing a dream?

WHAT goals do you have?

WHAT have you achieved or accomplished for God or for yourself?

WHAT do you like least about yourself?

DO you have a mentor? Or are you a mentor?

IF you are a follower of Jesus Christ, in what ways has knowing Him changed you?

CAN you describe a specific personal instance when you were aware of God presence?

HOW has God enabled you to reach His lost sheep (unbelievers)?

Your answers .....

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"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6