Mumblings

I think
Therefore I am
If that were true,
I would be much more
than I truly am.

Sometimes thought is just mumblings
Sometimes too life is the same
We stop and think
and think some more
and wonder why we've missed the point
and missed the boat - just didn't get on
when the boat docked for us.

Reading my journal
I see
so much pain
and wonder the whys and wherefores of it all

There are other souls
with more pain
than I
who am I to dwell on it
why should I

To do
what should I do
what should I remember
when should I remember whatever it is

I remind myself of
college days.
oh that was years ago.

sometimes what seems different
is not
it is the same

years go by
but events ...
round and round they go

and vice versa.

however dreary
or elegant
exciting
or blah

I am thankful

for
Jesus

who pursued me
relentlessly
endlessly
continuously

to get my attention
to become His child.

I am thankful
He never gave up
on me

I am thankful
He is my present
and my future

and He knew me
in the past
even
though
I knew Him not.

Cathy Orrick Luders

8.11.2010