Anxious moments and our response

The other day a friend sent me an entry from the Our Daily Bread devotional. "Try to Relax" was the topic. How do you accomplish that? The act of trying requires effort and exertion whereas relaxation is an absence of both effort and exertion. So how to try to relax. You can't. You can't try. You have to do. You have to trust - not yourself, but God.

My anxiety seems to have moved God off His throne in my life and put all my anxious thoughts there instead. It has only been in the most recent days that I have found this true. Well, probably, actually, the past four weeks or so.

• Anxious about my husband Jim doing physical therapy exercises at home or not doing them - primarily the latter
• Anxi0us that he would end up with a frozen shoulder and require additional surgery to rework the shoulder
• Anxious about the disc protrusion in my lower back causing pain in my left hip and down both legs
  
• Anxious about less money coming in and the same or more going out

Prayers went out, prayers were answered ... for some of these anxious moments.

Yet I didn't fully let go of all the anxiety surrounding and just allow God to control the situation, to control my life.

January is such a pitifully long month - 31 days long.

I looked back at the goals I had set for myself at the beginning of the month. They were not and are not still, selfish goals, but it appears I am off track. I have done something wrong have I not?

My first goal - I want to live these days with You Lord, only You.

My second goal - I want to follow you Lord, be obedient, wherever You take me, making no excuses.

I must not be obedient, I must be making excuses. I have failed.

Is the Lord thoroughly disappointed in me or will He give me ANOTHER chance to Follow Him and Obey Him and make No Excuses WHEREVER He takes me?

When I set that goal, I bet I didn't stop to consider all that it encompassed. I certainly have a better idea of what it means now.

I do want to follow You Lord. I do want to be obedient to You Lord ... Wherever it takes me, with No Excuses. Help me I pray to achieve that. Help me to see your hand in everything that comes along and show me how I am to respond.

I frequently do not respond well. All the anxiety of past weeks has caused a recurring bout with skin rash to rear its ugly head. Five days off work this past week and repeated visits to doctors with stronger and stronger meds prescribed. There is some relief. But is it from the medicine itself or is it the Holy Spirit reminding me of God's truths.

How far will I have to go before I give up, stop fighting, and give in to God?

It is hard. My skin tingles, my eyes twitch. It is not easy to concentrate on something other than the itching or anything else that distracts me from the Lord and His word.

Eating M&Ms is a stress reducer of choice. It doesn't really reduce any stress. It just makes me feel better for a moment. I can't say, "I can't help it," when I really can. That is an excuse, a poor one at that. M&Ms only add weight on to a body that needs to have a reduction in size. Another anxiety booster.

What I desire I don't do and what I don't desire that I do.

It applies to so many things.

Another anxiety booster I have is noise levels, such as when someone is trying to be quiet and is not succeeding, or where there are errors and no way to fix them.

Trust God for the outcome of all of life's trials. Give up the personal anxiety agenda disorder. Give in to the Lord who knows you in and out, today, tomorrow and forever after. Put your whole body, mind and soul into His care. Rely on Him for everything.

As Psalm 46 says:

(1) "God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
(2) Therefore we will not fear
(7) The Lord of hosts is with us;
(10) Be still and know that I am God;
(11) The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge."

"Be still and know"
God knows today and tomorrow and all future days and all former days. We are safe when we rely in Him and on Him.

It is hard to put into practice. It is hard to give up each anxious moment and be still in the Lord. It is so very hard.

God never said it would be easy. That doesn't make it less worthwhile.

Help me Lord to follow You.
Help me Lord to be obedient to You.
Help me Lord wherever You take me.
Help me Lord to not make excuses for all my shortcomings.
Help me Lord to become less anxious at each venture I face.
Help me Lord to see past the turmoils and seek You at every point.
Help me Lord.
I know I cannot do this alone.
Give me your peace.
In this your name I pray.
Amen.

Security

Security

Is it
in another person
Is it
in 4 walls and a roof
Is it
in quantity of funds for work done.

Is it?

What is it?
What does it mean?
Where is your security?

Is it
in calmness
in peacefulness
in quietness
in solitude
in having no fear

Is it?

What is it?
What does it mean?
How do you obtain it?

Is it
in having a well-paying job
in being in good health
in having health and life insurance
in being surrounded with family
in having a husband or wife
in having children

Is it?

Is it
always being happy in everything going just as you planned
Is it
in contentment
in sleeping pain-free
in having no anxious moments
in assurance

Is it?

What is it?
Do you have security?
Where did you obtain it?
What does it mean for you?

"count it all joy when you fall into various trials ... ask in faith, with no doubting, ... Blessed is he who endures temptation; for when he has been proved, he will receive the crown of Life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." - James 1:2a, 6, 12

Today's reading in "I Want to Live These Days with You" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer reminds me that security is found only in Jesus / God. No matter what befalls us it is only through faith that He can do what He says, what He promises. If we do not believe Jesus holds the key to all we ever need, then our security lies only in ourselves and that is not true security.

Being surrounded by fellow believers and studying His divine word and praising and praying to His holiness instills in us the necessity to stay totally tuned in and focused on Him.

For without Him we have nothing. All the fame and fortune and love we acquire is meaningless if we do not have Jesus first and foremost in our lives.

With Him we can achieve, we can overcome, we can be set free, we will have that security we so desperately crave.

"With God all things are possible" - Matthew 19:26a

"Only faith can sleep without a care, for sleep is a reminder of paradise; faith has its security in God alone. Faith does not believe in itself, ... but solely, completely in God -- whether there are storms or not." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Are we truly liberated?

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:34

Tomorrow
We will do this
or that
or something else perhaps

IF
indeed that which we desire
becomes a reality

IF
the funds we believe we need
are truly at our disposal

But when -- yes, when
has God ever said,
You need to have this and this and that in place before you can go forth?

He has never said that.
Never, Never, Never.

Others tell you what you need to make your life work

What, please tell,
what do others know about you and your life?

We can only surmise
what another bears.
What another considers
sharing with another,
their fears, their aspirations, their desires, their dreams.

But to really know another....

Only God knows
each one person
completely.

Only God knows
Where we will go
What we will do
The words we will say
The actions we will take
Only God knows
Tomorrow

He knows
Yesterday
He knows
Today

We can do nothing
about Yesterday
except remember,
mindful of
past mistakes
and pleasant memories.

We can do little
about Tomorrow
except pray to the Lord
for guidance and mercy

But Today.
We can live in the Present
with the spirit of the Lord Jesus
living within our hearts
guiding,
protecting,
instructing,
loving us.
We can be obedient to His teachings.
We can pray for His security today,
His peace surrounding us.

Today
We can
Be

Yesterday is past
Tomorrow is still to come
Today is here
bright sun or
dismal cold
The light of the world
has come, is here.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." - John 3:16-17

"Only those who place tomorrow in God's hands and receive what they need to live today are truly secure." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Are we liberated from endless worry or are we bound up tightly with every burdensome thought that crosses our mind, remaining forever anxious about what may or may not come?

In us, let HIM

"Morning by morning The Lord wakens me and opens my understanding to His will." - Isaiah 50:4b

I remember this verse from some time ago and thought it spoke to me so well I would include it on my blog. I did that a year or so ago. Today, Bonhoeffer's devotional brought it to me again, when he said, "Morning by morning He wakens me -- every new morning is a new beginning of our life. Every day is a completed whole." A completed whole -- interesting. On Sunday morning our pastor's message included Colossians 3:12-17. Verse 14 says, "But above all these things -- tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, bearing with one another and forgiving one another (verse 12-13) -- put on Love, which is the bond of perfection" ... completeness.

Above all, be perfect, be complete, through Christ who lives within us.

Let His heart be seen in us (v 12)
Let His forgiveness be modeled by us (v 13)
Let His love unite us (v 14)
Let His peace rule over us (v 15)
Let His word dwell in us (v 16)
Let His name propel us (v 17)

Will you follow, will you obey?

Yesterday, Jan. 3, was my husband's birthday. He had a grand celebration and a belated Christmas with family and friends. The day before, on Saturday, we attended a funeral for a longtime member of our church. He would have been 100 years of age in February. But his life here on earth was fulfilled and the Lord took him home.

Earlier on Saturday I did my devotional study, which led me to Luke 9:57, "Lord, I will follow You wherever you go." My thought was we should not say, Lord, I will follow You wherever You go, and then find excuses. It is excuses we find too readily, reasons why something won't work, even when the Lord tells us to do it. Whether we are in Christ or in our selves, we all face similar trials and tribulations. How we respond, react, shows our true colors, our true allegiance. For all the new beginnings, the new starts we desire, do we continue to make excuses or do we define ourselves by following the Lord in everything?

Do we say, "Lord, I will follow You wherever You go, ... but let me first go and bury my father ... let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house?" (Luke 9:57, 59, 61) But Jesus says, "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the Kingdom of God." (Luke 9:62)

According to Dietrich Bonhoeffer, "Fear is the net that evil throws over us, so that we become entangled and soon fall. Those who are afraid have already fallen. If we are on a difficult mountain climb and are suddenly consumed with fear, we will surely stumble. Hence, such anxious good intentions do us no good. We can certainly never make a new beginning with them."

Fear.... we can't succeed. Do we rely on ourselves or do we seek that greater power -- the Almighty God -- to overcome our fears, and ultimately the evil that consumes us? The title of Bonhoeffer's devotional, "I want to live these days with You," depicts how I would like to live my life.

Only You
Have the answers
to all I seek
to all there is

Only You
can enable me
and protect me
guide me along the paths
chosen

Only You
can be my best.

A new year, new beginnings, new starts,

Happy New Year!

Today I started a new devotional -- "I Want to Live These Days with You" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer (2/4/1906 - 4/9/1945).

Today's reading discussed good intentions -- the changes we think we will make in this new year of new beginnings.

Change, I find, is an interesting word. I doubt I ever thought about change quite the same way that Mr. Bonhoeffer illustrates it. He says it is not us who makes the change, the new beginning. It is not us who says, "This is what I am going to do." "This is what I will do."

It is only where God is that there can be change, a new beginning, a new start.

We can pray for change - for ourselves, our loved ones, our co-workers and neighbors, even our enemies, but we ourselves can not bring it about. That is all up to God and His will.

We can think we are wholly in His word, wholly immersed in all of Him, but when we continue to think and vocalize, "Why can't I make this work?!" "Why can't I say no?" that we are still following the belief we ourselves can do something to make it all better. And we cannot.

Diet and losing weight seems to be the perpetual change many of us want to make. I have gained weight this past year. Five years ago with God's blessing I rid myself of over 100 pounds.

But what now? I think it is up to me, yet for all my "good intentions," I have failed, I am failing. I tell myself, "say no." Yet I do not.

It is just as Paul says in Romans 7, starting with verse 15, "For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do."

We do not truly live according to God's standard. We think we are, but even when a small part is to ourselves, we fail.

Mr. Bonhoeffer says we are to pray to God for a new beginning, that new start we so desire. But we must come to the realization that we alone cannot do anything, that we by ourselves have reached our limit, that someone else (meaning God) must make that new beginning for us.

Let God be in control of the reins. We must follow His lead, only Him.